I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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