I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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