I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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