oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
