when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
