I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
