My hand turned me down
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
