That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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