You're my little dorito
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
