its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
