Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The air taste purple.
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