I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
