Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
