Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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