I'm jealous of your bromance
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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