i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
