ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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