Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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