I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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