I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
