Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
