apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
