I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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