she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
