what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
