the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
