Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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