turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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