Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
