its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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