you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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