I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone stole a lamp last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize