dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize