dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
