God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
