I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
