also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
