I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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