it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
sarcasm needs its own font
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i think my cat just said my name.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
