you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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