I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
