i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
