Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
