EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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