So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
