shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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