Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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