I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
