Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
