apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
