I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
