they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize