When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
