do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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