I seem to have left my pride at pride
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
