ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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