Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
