girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
