I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
