what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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