You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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