He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize