We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
