Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
