Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize