last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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