Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we're so committed to being not committed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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