I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't notice because vodka
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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