Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
