I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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