and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
