Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
