While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
