I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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