I CAN MOONWALK!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
