I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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