I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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