so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The air taste purple.
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