Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
