i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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