and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
