Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize