What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize