You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
