The maid of honor just puked.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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