I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
