I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
