His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
