Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
