I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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