it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
