This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
