Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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