I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
