At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
