Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
