I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
