ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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