Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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