Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
