my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All the doctor said was why
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
